omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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