Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
