I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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