Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
