Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
