Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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