I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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