hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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