he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
