Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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