Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
