Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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