"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
