after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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