I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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