i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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