I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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