I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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