Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
