Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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