you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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