he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
