hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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