Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
