You're completely useless in the revolution.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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