Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
