Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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