if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
