I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
