peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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