this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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