She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
