is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
