Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
