NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
