3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
