I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
