so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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