Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
