he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
