that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
