Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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