Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
