Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
