peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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