Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
