It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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