I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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