Midget sex pt 2 tonight
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
