Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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