Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
