Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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