I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
